Waiting for So Many Things
Sitting on the bench, I begin to think.
And I think and wait for so many things. I hope I can overcome myself, dissolve desires, wake up from dreams, and bring to reality all the alchemy necessary to modify plans and reconnect with the essence of Everything. From the depths of my soul, I yearn to be capable of self-control. Knowing the time of arrival and the moment of departure. Being aware in all directions, and even in the midst of tempestuous reveries, to follow the path towards being saved from myself, thus reaching true Salvation.
I set myself to present the body, and, seeing evil from afar, that it does not slowly kill me nor completely destroy what always slowly reawakens. Cruelty does not suit Time; it cannot be cruel nor remain in a state of inertia, but the impulse in its actions pushes one out of their comfort zone to accomplish what I so deeply desire.
But deep down, deep down, I should not wait for anything. Neither sitting and contemplating nor promptly advancing. I want to deposit what I hope for and deserve in the measure of just weight, extracting from the consequences of actions the achievements I deliver. Dismantling fear, sabotage, and greed, I can thus dissipate power itself and enjoy the path of right action and kindness in deeds.
The Self cannot integrate with the lesser self and weave enmity against itself, and faced with this, there is no other way: I will have to fight against myself, and remain attentive to the moment, at any cost and at all times. I must observe myself open to the mirrored door and not flee from what I see. I will have to stimulate love and attune to loving, practicing good habits, cultivating the roots and the stems, increasingly intending intuition that is seen as a companion and counselor.
So then, the significance of what I can recount can truly be attained while waiting on a bench, in thoughts or beyond them, in sync with all that vibrates. Even not knowing how to begin and first getting lost in routes, exhausting myself in vain, or waiting for something, I will have to, with precision, start and maintain constancy in each departure. Facing who I truly am and, without fear, seeking the union at the ascending point of the Self.
I will have to fulfill my obligations, precisely reaching the stimuli, being what I never was but always longed to be... Well, I will begin slowly. Working on good habits, not being indifferent to myself or others, learning to increasingly respect nature and knowing, through it, how to interact with the cosmos, and opening myself up to interactions with other planets.
However, I will not do everything at once. I will start with the simplest until I reach the most arduous tasks. I know the wait will be worth it, so it will be. I will wait and also begin. Not at the same time, but respecting the timing of each thing. And hoping that I succeed, for there is no other way but to remain in action. And that is all I feel now, even here, in a contemplative state on a park bench.
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